Depression or Guilt?

I find myself lately, wallowing. Wallowing in the self pity, bottomless pit I have created. Every inch, I have dug myself. I have dug so deep, and so far that the light is becoming dimmer and dimmer everyday. Lately, I havent talked much about my feelings, with Alex nor anyone close, so maybe if I put them out into the open I will be able to feel better.

Maegan is my precious everything. My morning, my night, my entire life. Eveything I ever wanted or needed, ends up in her eyes, gleeming back at me, so why do I still feel sad and lonely? I cry sometimes at night, thinking maybe Im not supposed to be a mother. I think, 'God, am I doing everything right? Is everything supposed to be this way?' I cant even begin to tell you yes or no. Am I bonded with her? Does she love me? Why do I feel better with time by myself? Why do I feel guilty about leaving her everyday? Why am I thinking these things?
Truth of the matter, is I cant help finding myself asking these questions. They keep me up at night.

I think the real questions should be, Do I feel guilty about being a working mother?
I think so. I feel horrible leaving her everyday, even though she is in the care of my mother who raised me. I know nothing will happen and that she is safe and doing well, I just feel like Im letting her down. On the other hand, Im not. Im working my tail off trying to make a living so she doesnt go hungry. So that she will never know the term "paycheck to paycheck" Im losing sleep because I need to make sure she is taken care of.

I understand that every working mother feels like this. It hurts. I feel guilty. Period.