One year ago today, I was sitting on my toilet with my head in my hands. Empty boxes surronded the toilet, and pregnancy sticks cluttered the kitched sink. The pain in my gut, not from morning sickness, but from doubt in myself and taking care of someone. I could barely take care of myself. I was living in fast forward, going 100mph with no stop button. Careless was a way to put it. Why now!? How was it possible that I could be pregnant? I fantham together a sequence of events to try to make sense. Nothing. I sat there for an hour starring, worrying, crying...what was I going to do? I was in no shape, or form for a baby.
It seemed like a whirlwind the next few weeks. Alex was already mad at me, and refused to talk to me for a few days. I felt so alone. I finally mustered up the courage to speak to my mom. I peed on one more test; I had taken 5 tests, 2 digital and 3 EPT. So I showed her the faint pink lines, and she laughed. Laughing!? "Are you kidding me? Do you think this a joke?" I shouted. Then began a conversation of protection, talks since I was little, etc. So she told my dad and from there only a few select people knew. I didnt want to get judged, because I wasnt married to the man I had been dating for 3 years at the time, nor had we had our own place.
I think in all reality, it was time. I had no real sense of responsibility, and I think it was Gods way of showing me something that I needed. I know I talk about it a lot but I strongly believe that Maegan was brought here on purpose. My little girl, MY LITTLE GIRL. It is still something to get used to; I have a daughter. She is the most gorgeous creature I have ever seen, Perfection.
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