Its been awhile since I have updated my blog. I usually am so extroverted, that it is hard to even put my thoughts on paper or electronically even. I like to verbalize my thoughts and my skills often, however, after reading through my 2 previous posts, I feel the need to update.

Maegan Rose was born August 11th, @ 11:42am after 37 grueling hours of labor, via cesearan. Her orginal EDD was August 17th, but do to complications at the end of my pregnancy (gestational hypertension) I was induced @ 39 weeks to deliver her before any further complications arose.

At 36 weeks it was harder to walk, waork,sleep and eat. I would be up constantly 4-5 times a night from heartburn, need to use the bathroom, insomnia, or anxiety about the pregnancy. I had to be up for work and out the door by 7:30am Monday-Friday and it was taking a strain on my body. I could feel it.

When 37 weeks rolled around I had my first 1 week prenatal visit. I walked into my Dr's office where I had an internal done (I was 1 cm and 30% effaced, still posterior and high) had a urine sample and blood pressure done. I had +1 of protein in my urine and elevated blood pressure of 148/88 the first reading and the second reading was 150/88. Because it was so high I needed a NST or nonstress trest to elevuate the baby. Maegan was thriving and moving. I believe her heart rate baseline was 148-150. Doctors were amazed. Wasn't quite sure why at the time.

Throughout the next 2 weeks, I was in and out of the Dr's office and hospital 4-5 times a week. When week 38 rolled around, and my blood pressure had sky rocketed to 162/94 and and I still had protein in my urine. My Dr advised that I needed to be kept overnight for observation. So I was admitted to the antenatal unit at Woman and Infants Hospital for the night (needed a 24hr urine collection and to keep my bp monitored. Mind you, at 37 weeks I already had a 24 urine collectuon but did not stay over in the hospital) It was a Wednesday night Alex stayed with me. I was stressed. I was big, miserable and to boot the pregnancy was soing a number on my body and they couldnt figure out what was going on, so test after test to rule out Pre Eclampsia. If I had over 300 levels of protein in 24 hours I would go for induction that night. Having protein with high bp is a sign of Pre Eclampsia and would need to get the baby out asap before the placenta would break downand injure the baby. I talked with the nurses/Drs and because my bp was an issue, I was going to be induced, just needed to make sure. On Thursday morning I went to another ulatrasound. The baby was measuring give or take 8lbs 14 ounces at 38weeks 2days along, and the placenta looked great! With the results coming in, I had little under 180 of protein in my urine during a 24 hour period. So I was scheduled to be induced at 39weeks. Finally there was an answer and end to the madness. I had gestational hypertension and my body was not doing well with the extra weight, and the added volume of blood in my body. She needed to come out soon, and by law, the earliest she was to be born was 39 weeks, no earlier.

On August 9th, I went in at 7pm to begin mysoplex (I think) to being effacing and dilating my cervix. Alex and I were nervous. The months of wondering and the ultrasounds, doctors, sickness, you name it were finallyu coming to an end. Maegan Rose was going to be born soon!

Walking into the hospital with my labor bag and holding Alex's hand, I felt elated. I was shown my room for the night and was put on IV, nausea medicine and monitored throughout the whole night. Around 11pm on the 9th, I began contracting every 4-5 minutes, but to no avail they were not changing my cervix. I called the nurse and was given morphine to at least let me sleep a few hours before I would be given pitocin.

5:30 am on the 10th, I was taken to my room on the delivery floor. God! I cant even explain the feeling in my stomach, well beside the baby and the fact I hadn't eaten since 6pm the night before. I was excited and couldn't help smiling! I was finally going to see MY baby. The little kidney bean I had seen at 9weeks is finally a baby girl and is going to be in my arms within 24hrs. A tear welled up in my eyes as I started settleing in. I took a deep breath and allowed more IV's to administerd...However little did I know this was going to be the calm before the storm.

In a nutshell, the pitocin didn't really start changin my cervix until around 5pm that night; I had gotten to 4cm and 60% effaced and short, slow but steady. Between 5pm and 11pm that night was a blur. I remember getting the epidural, my water breaking and feeling back labor as my epidural wore off throughout the night.

At 7ish Wednesday morning which was the 11th, I began pushing. I had labored down from 11pm the night before until 7 to try and sleep. It didn't work. I pushed and pushed until 1030am but Maegan was not coming out. Finally the cheif resident advised that after a quick internal check, her shoulders were stuck and her head was not molding properly. In order to get the baby out, it was a cesearean or using the vaccuum/forceps and run the risk of breaking the baby's shoulders....I elected csecction.

At 11:42am, after being prepped and waiting for an open OR, Maegan Rose Wilkinson was finally born. I would go through the entire pain and frustration of feeling the entire csection, but thats neither here or there. What matters is I got some decent drugs and she was born healthy and beautiful. 9lbs even and 21 1/2 inches long. Alex said he cried.

It has been 7-8 weeks now and she is amazing. Adding weight steadily and growing like a weed. Everyday she makes me smile and adds a little more sunshine into my heart. I love her so much.....My little Muffin!

23 weeks and counting!

So as of yesterday, I am offically 23 weeks! Thats right! I have 119 more days to go until August...and little more than 3 months left..but this has not been a happy road to this point! Oh no no no! Every week is a more miserable force put on me like a paper weight on a stack of papers. Let me take you through my journey...

For the first 3 months I did nothing but puke, sleep, puke, sleep, pee, sleep, talk to inanimate objects in my room, puke and did I mention puke? I was completly miserable and on top of that I lost weight. I was ready to just lose my mind when I talked with my Dr. around February and she mentioned that maybe try taking Flintstones complete (2 a day!) and getting a little extra ZZzz's a night might make me feel better. So I tried it...

These next three months have been full of weird and horrific things as well. My gas is more potent then a sewage treatment plant, I have become more bitchier than I thought even possible, NO food is safe around me...which leads me to me gaining 23 pounds since the begining of the 2nd trimester, I can't sleep because I am tossing and turning because it's getter hotter at night in my room and I have been waking up 3 times a night to pee. Also I do want to mention that at my Anatomy scan at 17 weeks I have an anterior placenta and that I will not feel the baby kick or punch or see my belly move until later on in the pregnancy like 7 months or even 8! However I am experiencing her popping and kicking my bladder on a daily basis. I can't feel kicks, but I know she is in there especially when she lands on my bladder...I talk to her and tell her "No No Maegan! Mommy's bladder is not a trampoline!!" In all honesty I am just happy to feel her move. My biggest fear is not feeling that and going to my next appointment and hearing no heartbeat. That would absolutely destroy me and I am sure how I could mentally deal with a miscarriage again...I just pray for the best everyday..

Every week it seems there is a new issue caused by this pregnancy...this week Cysts! Yes Pilondial Cysts on my butt! I can barely move as it is now, and then this! Ughhh! if you don't know what a pilondial cyst is, it's a infection in the hole or area right above the anus and is caused by hair or bacteria that gets in there and with constant weight and pressure.. the area becomes tender and inflammed. Usually truckers or military men get this because they are usually sitting for extended periods of time. Basically with the weight I have gained, plus the pregnancy...it makes sense that I would get this.. I am so much pain I have a hard time going pee, driving home (because of bumps or pot holes in the road) sleeping and even walking. ::sigh:: Sometimes I do just want to give up, but I know this is all worth it in the end when I am looking down and there is my little muffin (Maegan's nickname before I knew she was a girl) and knowing that God allowed me to create such a little package of wonderful (that is until she turns into a snot nosed teen) that words can't describe emotions at that point...

SO I guess from the begining?

Wow! I am offically half way through my pregnancy, and hoenstly I didn't think at first I would of made it this far! Wait..let me start from the begining, umm from the WAY begining. Not when I was born, but around 5 months ago when I was content with the way my life was going...

October 2009- Well I just found out that I had been chosen to get a new job as a temp at Metlife. Finally, away from Dunkin Donuts and the stress and excess coffee. Finally a job that I was proud to say, "Hey I work there!" and love going to everyday. It was time for change and I loved every minute of it. Alex and I had FINALLY started saving money for our wedding and started planning it! It seemed like everything was falling into place. (Oh Alex is my fiance and we have been together now for 3 years and engaged for 2! I will talk more about him as I continue)

November 2009-Alex and his family went away for the first 2 weeks of Novemeber to Florida to see family members. I stayed behind and caught up with work and enjoyed some alone time. Ok so not really! I was compleltly miserable without him and sulked at home everynight until he came home. Well, when Alex came home November 16th I had no idea in a few weeks my life was going to change! He got home we went for a drive and got something to eat. I remember telling him how much I loved and missed him and from this moment on, don't leave me by myself! (Of course I was kidding) The night progressed and one thing led to another and bam! we did umm stuff. It ended up being a reaccourance that entire week.

So we enjoyed being together, planning the wedding and finally going out and having a great time!

December 2009- I spotted the entire first 2 weeks which is weird, because I either get my period or I don't. (apparently it is completely normal for a woman to miss her periods!? Whatever) Well, on December 5th (which was a monday) I was so pissed because my period had come, then went away, spotted for a few days, then went away. I finally broke down and bought 3 pregnancy tests. I was convinced that I couldn't be pregnant and maybe my body was trying to syncronize finallyn but bought the tests anyway.
I remember on my lunch I took a test. I peed on the stick placed it face down, and continued with my business. After I was done, I looked back at the test and remember a sinking feeling in my stomach as 2 faintly pink line stared back up at me. I couldn't believe it! Why now? Why when we were planning our wedding and finally getting finacially sound that a baby was in our future? What the hell was I going to do? I still lived at home, and as did Alex. We didn;t have money or a place or anything for a baby! Things looked grim.

I finally text Alex at work. I tell him "O.M.G it's positive" (earlier I has texted him that I had gotten my period and I was going to take a test) he responded with.. what is positive? So I told him the pee stick had 2 pink lines, but I was going to take more to make sure. He I guess freaked out at work and had to go home early. I told him just to wait and relax and to come over later that night to discuss anything.

So within the next following weeks I did a blood test to confirm and made my first prenatal appointment.

When I showed up for my first visit, it was like hell! I was poked and prodded and was asked crazy questions. "How many pregnancy tests did you take? Did you know you were pregant" Um no and yes I guess. ::sigh:: My head was killing me!

Alex was the exam room with me holding my hand as I had my first ultrasound done. They estimated me at 9weeks and 3 days and my due date was August 17th. And I laughed because there is no way in hell those charts and wheels are accurate. My period is 30 something days apart and luteal phase is like 15-16 days sometimes. Well I choked when I saw the flicker of a heartbeat and saw that my baby was 9 weeks and 4 days old and resembled a kidney bean. All this time here I thought it was a tumor or a molar pregnancy. Alex mumbled "Look baby, we made that. That is OUR baby"

And that's how it began. This adventure that I am in. This whirlwind called life. I still can't believe that I have a baby growing inside me and that a life is counting on me to survive. Crazy-ness! Today I am 20 weeks and 3 days, half way through my pregnancy. Somedays I wait for the other shoe to drop and think that I don't deserve to carry a life, but, there are those days when I wake up and smile because in a few months I will be looking into the eyes of my daughter whom I will love and cherish.